Well, I have been working on a different post for the past week…but it’s just not coming! It’s been like treading peanut butter. I type, backspace, type some more, backspace a lot more. groan. Either the Lord doesn’t want me to post it, or He doesn’t want me to post it right now. So with that post on the back burner, I’ve asked the Lord what He wants me to write about…and if He doesn’t give me any ideas, well, I just won’t write! Profound, huh?!
The past couple of weeks the “tide of emotion” has come in and I’ve been adding to my bottles of tears that the Lord is collecting (I think mine are in gallon jugs by now). Maybe that’s why the other post just isn’t happening.
Too many cobwebs in my brain?
Speaking of cobwebs in my brain – I was talking with a friend today and I voiced to her that I worry sometimes that I may be getting dementia or something. My friend’s husband died 10 years ago from alzheimer’s disease and when I mentioned my worries to her, and how I’ve been feeling, she said it doesn’t sound anything like what she watched her husband go through. She said it’s probably related to the shock of my mom dying, and all the other stressful things we have been dealing with on and off for years.
Most of the time I don’t have a problem being open and expressing how I feel (if I’m in a conversation with someone and we’re talking about things like that…just so you don’t get the idea that I go up to total strangers and say, “Hi! Want to hear how I’m feeling today??” 😉 )
Honestly, I appreciate transparency. I’d rather someone be “real” with me than try to pretend that they’ve got it all together, all the time and there just isn’t anything they really have a problem with. wow. Ok, thank you for that! (Can I ask you a question?! Are you human??)
So, maybe you think I’ve been too transparent, too honest that I struggle with my prayer life sometimes. Too open with the loss of my mom and my feelings as I grieve for her. Too raw with my feelings when we visited our son’s grave.
Like I’ve mentioned before, I’m not trying to have an emotional blog, with posts that make folks cry. And I’m definitely not looking for pity. I know what I’m feeling is normal (whatever “normal” is when you’re grieving!), and with God’s help I will get through this, and I want to encourage you that you too can get through whatever you’re going through right now. I’m calling back to you and cheering you on!
I think that’s why I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading Isabel Kuhn’s books (By Searching and In the Arena are two of my favourites) – she’s real. She talks about her struggles but then shares how the Lord helped her through them. She was open and honest, but encouraging. I love that.
Someone else I really admire is Bro. Kerby Campbell and his wife Kelli. (You can read about their story on treasuredtrials.com). Recently a missionary friend told me about a message Bro. Campbell had preached earlier this year and she sent me the link to it so I could watch it (the video is on the Home page of their website). It broke my heart…yet I was encouraged at the same time. He is living with such horrible, unbelievable pain, and his wife is going through each day suffering with him, yet they are not mad at God, and they continue to do what they can to point others to Jesus Christ. They didn’t quit when it got hard. What a blessing!
I know I’ve just rambled this evening and it hasn’t been anything deep or new. I’d like to encourage you to go watch the video of Bro. Campbell preaching – you will be blessed. I know it helps me to surround myself with others who are pushing forward, through thick and thin and I can hear them call back over their shoulder to me to keep doing right and to keep faithful to our Lord.
So in spite of my cobwebby brain, I hope this made sense and I pray it will be a blessing to someone out there. 🙂 God bless!